How Your D*ck is Keeping You Broke & UOENO!

Going from boys to men is a lifelong learning curve. As men, we’re expected to display specific behaviors set by society. We’re expected to be masculine, which we are. (Most of us anyway) We’re expected to be competitive. We’re expected to be leaders and providers. But what about being emotionally intelligent? In this specific case, as men, I'm referring to being able to understand our hormones and sexual urges so we can make decisions conducive to a fruitful financial future rather than decisions causing us to be broke with a lot of useless memories of us fucking somebody’s daughter. The problem is that we are expected to be emotionally intelligent too; however, no one has taught us that skill. This is “How Your D*ck is Keeping You Broke and UOENO...

• Peer pressure from friends

Men, we have dick contests all the time. As kids, the contest was who was the strongest or the fastest. As teens it changed to who had on the livest clothes and shoes. Or who was the coldest at sports. Now, as men, it's who has the throwdest car. Or who has the most money.  And when it comes to women, it's pretty much all about who’s having the most sex. That's at any age, young or old.

 “I wish I could f*ck every girl in the world” - Lil Wayne / Young Money

Dope song. Smash hit. And the catch is that it's a totally relatable song to all men. Shit, even women jam it. Every day I woke up looking for some filet mignon. WYD texts, had to send them. I had a thirst that was only going to be quenched by some vagina. But the biggest flex was when I was able to share the stories with my boys. For some reason, men will stop whatever it is that they’re doing to hear a sex story. Regardless of whether the story is good or bad, It's entertainment to us. 

Growing up as teenagers in middle and high school, the guys who had the most sex were the coolest. They had the stories. They had the excitement. They were living the life. But let a nigga share a story about how they saved some money by switching to Geico, and they just became the lamest dude on earth. It is this initial psychological transformation that warps us up into thinking with our penises in the present and not about our money and our financial future. This is also the start of “How Your D*ck is Keeping You Broke and UOENO...

• Trickin / Dating

One of the toughest lessons I learned about controlling my dick and managing my money came at a young age. I was in fourth grade at BG elementary. Cory was the coldest. I wanted her. And I was willing to do almost anything to get it. 

During lunch I wouldn’t eat. I’d save some of the lunch money my momma gave me so I could get some candy from the ice cream trucks after school. She gave me $5.00 a day. That’s $25 a week. That was back in 89. I was eatin. You can't get shit for $5.00 today.  Occasionally I'd have a few days of lunch money saved  so it looked like I had a little change. Cory would see me splurge at the ice cream truck after school. She also saw I had some savings in my backpack so she asked me for a dollar. I gave it to her because I was thirsty. She asked for more dollars over the next few days. I gave those to her as well. We moved our desks to sit next to each other in class. It felt like she was feeling me too. I was in. Then I heard from around the way she liked Howard.

Now that I think about it, I should have shown LaCoria how to save her own lunch money like me. We could have taken our money and invested it into a candy business together. We could have then sold that candy to the rest of them fools buying candy from the ice cream trucks. We could have built and established lifelong wealth. Together! That's what girls want right? 

Or better yet, I should have kept my money and focused on my damn self because clearly I didn't know a damn thing about girls or money. She didn’t know anything about not biting the hand that feeds you. LaCoria wasn’t wrong for liking who she liked, but I was for damn sure disappointed. I was out of money. LaCoria was still fine. And I was still thirsty. Simpin at its finest.

It was a bad investment with no return. 

As men, we’re expected to provide. “Broke boys don’t deserve no p*ssy” is what Cardi B says. So with that being said, when we date, we like to show women we can handle our weight. We take women out to eat. When we’re out at clubs and bars we buy women drinks. Women get flown out to different vacation spots so they can potentially buss it open for a real one. They get bills paid, cars repaired, clothes, shoes, bags. They get school clothes for their kids. Honestly fellas, we do a lot for the community. They might talk shit about us individually but collectively we make it happen. 

  Trickin doesn’t only include money. It includes the time and effort that we spend trying to seal the deal. Women like to laugh. If they don't, you're considered lame and boring. You’re what I like to call an incompatible suitor. In order to not get friend zoned you have to put on your best show. That requires you to be creative with your texts. Your conversation has to be stimulating. When you ask to see them, they like, “plan something out.” Because you’re so caught up with your hormones and getting a nut, you spend your time and energy on the pursuit of vagina. You can’t take vagina to the bank. The grocery doesn’t accept vaginas as payment for groceries for the kids. So instead of putting that time, energy, and effort into a big butt and a smile, put it in your education, your work, and your personal growth. Most importantly, save that money!

• Staying Fly

"The Power of the P.U.S.S.Y. That's why niggas get haircuts. Try to dress fly." - Devin The Dude / Jay Z

The number one reason we men get fly is to see how many 304’s we can smash. One chick is cool, two will do, but three is a treat. Smashing two or three chicks in the same day will get you some brownie points in the neighborhood. But having women isn’t easy. Women need to be entertained. Women like shiny things, so you have to shine like gold. You have to be a diamond in the rough.. Men are competitive, so just like anything else, being fly takes time, effort, energy, and money.

First impressions are everything so you have to look like something. There’s nothing sexier to a woman than a well groomed man. We men know this. So to the barbershop we go. True story. I’ve spent a countless number of hours in line waiting to get my haircut because the barbershops are packed full of niggas ready to get their johnsons very dirty. The whole time we’re talking about where we’re going that night while we embark on the mission to get some take home.. 

As of today, the average price of a man’s haircut is $40. I pay Jay $40 to cut my hair. If you’re getting a cut every week, that's $160 a month. That’s just on haircuts. Me, I go see Jay once a month. So that saves me $120 per month. Once you finish the chop, you still have to get the brush, wave grease, and durag for the waves. You’re definitely going to need shampoo, conditioner, and other moisturizing products for the longer hairstyles such as dreads or braids. If you have a beard, you need products for that too. 

After you take care of the hair, next comes the clothes.There’s nothing like being fresher than a mint on a warm summer day. I used to get fresh. Only thing was I was fresh and broke. I’d get paid, take my check, and go  tear down the mall. I spent all my money at Macy’s, Armani, and Express. I should have gone to Ross and saved the rest. The real freshness is the peace of mind that comes with having money in your pocket.The real freshness is having a bank account with at least one comma and some zeros behind it. Looking good with no money is buffoonery. A show. We’re just a bunch of actors dressing up to entertain these women, hoping to have a happy ending at the end of the night. 

But it doesn’t stop there, we’re still spending money.You can’t be a playa and pull up to the scene driving a bucket. Again, first impressions are big so your car has to look like something. Broken windows, dents, dummy tires, and faded paint screams irresponsibility and the mismanagement of funds. Your priorities are all fucked up. It also screams no vagina, and that's never good. I mean, what do we do it for? Sex! That doesn’t mean we have to go out and get the best car that money can buy. A lot of guys like to get the top of the line cars thinking if she wants to fuck my car, the less talking i have to do. At times that may work as good bait. But if you spend all of your money on a car and all of your time having sex, I promise you won't have much money left over. Blowing money fast is cool until you fall on hard times. Then you’re going to think about all that cash spent and how your dumb ass didn’t keep any. The only thing you thought about was your d*ck. Brokness at its finest.

Now the cheapest part of being fly is having a mouthpiece. Being able to talk a woman into doing whatever you wish. The art of seduction. Pimpin since been pimpin since been pimpin. The thing about having game is that it takes confidence. To confidently brag about your bowling game, you have to knock down pins.The same goes with women. But just like any game, you have to practice. Practice takes time and consistency. You have to put in continuous work to hit a strike frame after frame. To get the booty, you have to send that text. You have to make that call and whisper sweet nothings. They like that shit. Or be an asshole. I’ve seen some like that too. Whatever your strategy is, it will not work for everybody. After a certain age, sweet talk only goes so far. My grandmother always says, “Romance without finance is a nuisance.” But boys swear they have a mouthpiece and they can get any chick they please. Honestly, I haven't seen a five star chick roll up to the club with a guy in a bucket. Maybe it's just me. 

Instead of always pleasing our dicks, maybe we should put a little focus on building and keeping our pockets full. Lets learn how to spit game to the interviewer as to why we’re the best candidate for the job. And be able to back that shit up too. Lets spit game to our youth, parents, and peers that will advance our community economically. Lets spit game to our customers as to why our products and customer service is second to none. Now that's fly.    

• Weak pull out game

Just about every guy at some point in time has brought a condom to use for sex but ended up not using it. You had the condom in your pocket, but you stuck it in raw. Wtf is that? I know what that feeling is about. I’ve been there before. We’re excited, anxious, and impatiently waiting  to slide that dick in before she changes her mind. 

At this age, we’re typically young. We don’t understand the magnitude of the  responsibilities that are about to be placed on us if she happens to get pregnant. We’re not thinking about babies, std’s, the establishment of a new soul tie that can potentially lead to craziness. We’re just thinking about bussin a nut. But busting a nut will cost you. 

18 years. 18 years. & on his 18th birthday he find out it wasn’t his. He gives me money!!! - Kanye West

So not only do you not wear a condom, but when you start to feel tingly and tickly, you don’t pull out. Instead, you leave the dick in to marinate. Now you have chisup coming out of your check. Trippin. This is  “How Your D*ck is Keeping You Broke and UOENO...

• Wrong spouse

You fucked up and fell in love with the pussy of the wrong woman. You ignored all the red flags while doing all that sticking and moving because of love. Or because she’s a bad bitch. Hopefully she's bad because some of you fellas be trippin with some of these lackadaisical standards. Now you've bought a ring, proposed, walked down the aisle, and booked a trip to the Bahamas for the honeymoon. 

What you really did was tie yourself to an unmotivated, uneducated, unaware, lazy, fat, dirty, non cleaning, no cooking, no income getting, selfish summa beech..... She may not have all these red flags, but you get my drift. These are characteristics that can be detrimental to your financial well being. Thus causing a deterioration to your mental well being. After you say “I do,” entitlement begins. What's yours is hers and what's hers is hers. 

Now that you have to split your money, it is important that we preserve and grow our money. If your wife takes and continuously has her hands out for bread, learn how to say No! Stand your ground.“Happy wife happy life” right? Wrong! Money in the bank equals peace. 

Don’t be a sucka for love. As the man of the house, as the leader, sometimes you have to be the bad guy. But honestly, you’re really the good guy because you’re thinking of the future. She may call you broke because you don’t want to spend a check and get it right back. That’s cool. Eat that. All she’s doing is projecting her brokeness on you. If she gets it from another man, make sure she breaks you off a peace. If she loves you she’ll do it. If she cheats, she wasn’t for you anyway. Brush your shoulders off and keep pushing. 

The most important thing is that you stay “Cured from that disease we call Brokeness!”

Again, this is  “How Your D*ck is Keeping You Broke and UOENO..."

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